Down with all performative ceremony. I want you to feel the trickle down your leg, your hair standing up in every direction, your "wisdom" so fleeting and broken. I want to hear you scream, see you shake, watch as you die. I do not love from afar.
Pain draws me near to you. I smell the fear and come running. I am Badb, I am Saturn, I am the Screaming Goat running up the hill. You cannot wash your hands of me, for you cannot wash away vengeance. It is a fire that warms the frozen mind, the anchor that fights the currents always threatening to sweep you away. "Fire cannot kill a dragon."* And so it is that pain cannot kill a warrior. It is not the stabbing wounds, the brain-rattling falls from a 10 story window, the addiction to feeling something - or nothing at all. It is not the slicing, burning, stabbing agony that steals your soul from your bones. Rather, it is neglecting to clean it up, hold pressure to stop the bleeding, and the settlement of infection. It is losing too much blood, leaving a gap in your skin for your soul to slip out. It is the wretchedness, the wickedness, the evil of Sovereignty which causes this. Two swords clashing, bodies collapsing, minds all thrashing about. It is the darkness swallowing the light and the day eating the night.
*Referencing the scene in Game of Thrones when Daenerys fully realizes that her brother was a liar and a sham after his death. I also had a strong visual of the scene where she emerges from the burning tent, naked and vulnerable, the only survivor in the fire, holding the baby dragons that needed that fire in order to hatch. There's a lot of interesting archetypes and symbolism there that I hope to explore more deeply in the future.
Cards: Knight of Wands + The Runaway + The Vengeance
(I got super excited and a little freaked out when "The Vengeance" card fell out of the deck. It happened after the above automatic writing came through. It's a new deck for me, and I didn't even know that card was in it. Moments like that just confirm the channelings for me.)
"But underneath
Under the weight of god
Crawling on your knees
Unbelieve
All of the promise in you
There's a fate you'll meet"
-They're All Around Us by Poppy
Cards: King of Pentacles + The Tailor + The Pathless + The Mascareri
You needed a way out, and you found it. You fought for your right to rest, to heal, to clean your wounds and purge the poison. Do not allow anyone - ANYONE - to belittle what you have done, to un-appreciate the strength you came into this world with. Do not allow the Pathless to dictate which path you take.
Vengeance is running away, leaving him with blood on his hands and no way to clean the stains from his favorite shirt. Let him flounder for an explanation when people ask where all that blood came from, and why doesn't he wear his favorite shirt anymore?
Vengeance is the threads of fate wrapping their cold tendrils around his limbs, pulling him evermore and away from everything he thinks he wants.
Card: Remembrance
You cannot forgive what you force yourself to forget. What is written on your face? Who lives in your body? Whose body do you possess? More, give me more, give me more.
Longing for the pain to dissipate, for life to have been something other than what it was, seeking peace where there is none only leads to heartbreak.
Cards: The Guide + The Sword
Yank the sword of wrath from the stones the Usurper told you could never be moved. Clutch one hand to the bleeding part, and the other to your weapon. Find the deepest part of your body, the part aching with heaviness, and pull it up to your mouth. Open up, blood gushing metallic against your tongue, and let out the loudest, most guttural thing you can muster. Clean the wounds, purge the poison.
He dropped the ball. Went back on his word, destroyed the paper you both signed, took another oath.
The 2 minds he holds could no longer compete for submission. So they thrashed and collapsed and died. His eyes turn yellow and skin goes black. Wanna know the deal?
He was to never let go of what we gave him to hold. But he dropped it - and set it on fire.
There are some who still cling to their abuser, for they do not know - or do not want to know - they are being abused.
Grief cannot be performed. Fear cannot be expelled. But they can be overcome. Seek vengeance, woman. Walk away.
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